Friday, May 6, 2011

Cheeky Panda isn't happy (Tips of dealing with a naughty child)

My girls make me proud all the time. They often got compliments from people in restaurants or grocery stores or actually everywhere. Praises are not only about they are cute and beautiful, but also they are so well behaved. But this last week my little Cheeky Panda was kind of naughty, whatever you told her not to do, she did it repeatedly.

Timeout isn't working at all. She seems like enjoying the timeout and goes straight to sit down for her 2 minutes. Then she gives you a kiss and apologizes and goes on being a little trouble.

Little Panda Daddy suggested instead of putting her in time out, we should take her favorite toys or activities away for punishment. So I took her Princess dolls away for the first time and put it somewhere she could see it. It worked and she got so upset and cried. She finally started to listen again and understood if she doesn't behave herself, her stuff would be gone for a day.

I think I finally get why she has been doing all that today. These few days she has been saying Chunky Panda is happy, mommy and daddy is happy but not herself anymore. I asked her "are you happy too?" She said "no, mommy." Then repeatedly saying everyone in the home is happy excluding herself.

Today before nap time, she is closing the door on me and not listening again. I have to tell her your Jelly Bean will be taken away and she is not allow to have any until tomorrow. She broke into tears and came hugging me. I asked her again is she feeling unhappy. She said "Yes." It broke my heart. I believed she actually mean it not just fooling around like usual. I asked her why but she couldn't really tell me. So I asked "are you not happy because mommy and daddy has been punishing you a lot?" " Yes" "Do you want more attention and feel like we give Chunky Panda more attention than you?" "Yes" And she cried and hugged me so so tight.

Poor little thing, she almost made me cry. I sat her down and looked her in the eyes, explained the punishments were the consequences of being naughty. And I told her "Mommy Daddy both love you a lot and we love Chunky Panda too. I am sorry you feel like you don't have as much attention, I will pay more attention about that and make sure you are happy too. Is there anything I can do to help you feel better now?" She don't know or can't express herself. But her body language started to show me she wanted some tickles. Sounded weird but as soon as I tickled her, she laughed so hard and she was happy again. After a good 5 minutes of laugh, I asked her again is she happy now. She said "yes" and then everybody else in the house were happy too.

Time to be tucked in and she looked all happy and ready to have a good nap.

Lesson Learned - When a child not acting like their usual self, something is wrong. May be she is not feeling good physically or emotionally. Try to find out without scaring them off. Little kids this young can communicate at some level but not capable of fully express themselves. Ask simple questions like "Are you feeling okay?" "What's wrong? Can I help you?" Then if they respond as you asked, go ahead and help them. If not, you may need to get some clues around the house and guess what caused the problem. Ask more specific questions and hope you can get a simple YES or NO from them, and sorted it out from there. Such as: "Are you not feeling good? Is your teeth hurt?" or  "Do you need something? Can you bring and show me what you want?"

Just be patient and make sure not let them push your button. Continuously dealing with a naughty kid can be very exhausted and frustrated.  Every time you feel like you need to scream or yell at them (NEVER put your hands on them), take an extra 5 seconds to put them in a safe area, step back and take a deep breathe. Calm yourself down and come back to your child, sit them down and get down to their level (eye level), explain what they did wrong and tell them what is the consequence. It can be a time out, toys being put away, no outside playtime, etc. Make sure to follow through the discipline and explain it to your child. They can understand way more than you think, even they are only One or Two-year-old.

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